Nadaaniyan
Introduction
The new Hindi film Nadaaniyan could have been anything it liked (much like the nepo-babies of the film). It could have been a 30 second reel that people would have cursed and skipped in a jiffy. It could have been a meme, almost resembling the ‘Amma Behen Pe Aa Jaoonga’ (a pop-cultural meme on frustration and angst while hurling abuses), that atleast would have guaranteed a laugh. It could have been a 60 second cooker-cutter icecream commercial that is cringe being passed off as cute. The best yet – it could have been discarded at the Dharma Productions office which I am sure has better stories to tell. But what it eventually chose to be is a Netflix film, that was so frivolous and so mind-numbing that it had me wanting to punch myself in the face (for having to go through this mess). As they say, a good film often brightens up your day. Naadaniyan is opposite to that – a film so bad that I literally have to seek pointers to fill my essay here, given it spoke about literally nothing at the end of 2 hours. It is one of those films that may well be self-aware on how bad it is, yet wants the viewers to forget the horrible writing in the wake of grand sets and neon lights that are strategically placed to distract yourself from the horrid performances. And the analytical part of my DNA still wished to analyze this piece of sh*t. Oh well, we all have double-standards I guess. Atleast I am vocal about it!
Story & Screenplay
The basic premise of Nadaaniyan is just so frivolous that it never allowed me to gain momentum with the characters. It follows the story of Pia (Khushi Kapoor), an 18 year old school going girl who has two walking red-flags posing as BFFs with whom she spends most of her time with. She remains woke with her life, often indulging in captions like ‘pyaar with a tadka of patriarchy’, while never wishing to call it out with her family, particularly her father and grandfather. Her family clearly is dusfunctional much like how families of rich people are ‘usually’ portrayed onscreen, even as the distance between her parents has increased over the years. In another world, she is Meghna (Manjari Fadnnis) from Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na (2008), but unfortunately for her (and the viewers), she belongs to the social media era where ‘Delulu Is The Only Solulu’. Hence, the conflict is also Delulu here – her BFFs don’t trust her with a random texts that she gets from a boy (told you, red flags!), that has her searching for a walking green flag to pose as her boyfriend amidst a sea of red flags! Ahhh I love this generation😂!
Meet Arjun (Ibrahim Ali Khan), an expressionless and mumbling character (no don’t mistake him for Arjun Kapoor), who belongs to a poor family that would essentially put Rohan Nanda (Varun Dhawan) from Student Of The Year (2012) to shame (you know India is progressing when a foreign location is passed off as pollution-free Delhi). Arjun is so poor that his family can only afford meals outside his bunglow. Arjun is so poor that he still can wear branded clothes from the money that he has saved from his school fees (given how he is 100% sponsored). And because Arjun is poor, his family isn’t dysfunctional like Pia’s (I bet you would never have guessed that). Suddenly when the two worlds collide, the deal of Arjun posing as a fake boyfriend of Pia is closed at a 25K per week, that makes for a win-win situation for both of them. But just the way Rom-Coms are designed, they fall in love until they don’t until they do again. The question though remains (even after the film) – can love and friendship co-exist? Also, how is Arjun a debate champion when all he does is showoff his washboard abs to win a debate! You just don’t see him in action, almost being presented as a cute montage with a song playing out!! Lazy writing!
The proceedings are so lame and laced with Dharma anecdotes that it kind of remains a laughable affair. In a scene a random character goes, ‘chhe din ladki in’, a homage to Kal Ho Na Ho (2003). In another, a character goes ‘Aur Paas Aur Paas Aur Paas’, a homage to Dil Toh Pagal Hai (1997), and well…I know that is YRF and not Dharma! In fact, there is a character called Ms Braganza (Archana Puran Singh), a woke-homage to the same character from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (1998) who is now neck-deep in Gen-Z ‘Wokeism’. So WTF for her is Wednesday, Thursday, Friday that actually made me go WTF (what the…). LOL is lots of love for her that reminded me of a word from the elite dictionary of Pakistan cricket team’s captain Mohammed Rizwan, Lots Of ‘Lun’ (pop-cultural reference of the word learn), a phrase that still doesn’t make sense, but then neither does the film. It was almost like wishing to drive on the Dharma nostalgia factor but taking it atleast ten steps backwards…… no make that twenty – I forgot to add the woeful Orry cameo as a part of the meta-humour!
The minor subplots that act as fillers don’t contribute to any emotions in the film. Be it Arjun winning the trust of Pia’s rich parents by citing that she is good in debate, when the reality is that nothing of the sort is showcased onscreen to tell us this fact, remains one of the many loose ends of the writing. Even a late conflict involving a late-entrant adds nothing to the drama, even as conflicts are resolved in a jiffy and red-flags are BFFs again after a brief moment of lull. Ahhh I love this generation😂. The only little ray of hope came in the form of Arjun and his interaction with his father who does put him on the path of realisation – to think beyond his QuickKanoon drafts (that Arjun plans to make money off post college) and give love another chance all over again. Oh wait, this still does sound like ‘Pyaar Dosti Hai’ from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (1998). Scratch that! And that quite honestly sums up the screenplay that tries hard to provide a commentary on the class divide but relies on the suspension of belief of the world of Nadaaniyan where nobody….and nobody is really poor! Genius Writing I must say!
Dialogues, Music & Direction
The dialogues are cringe and cheesy but atleast the Gen-Z lingo is captured well which is a consolation win in my books. The music is good and atleast provides steady moments of relief from the otherwise mess of a drama that fails to impress. The BGM tries hard but just cannot salvage a sinking ship (which remains the writing and the mind-numbing performances). The cinematography comprises of frames that are so flat and cosmetic. The focus remains on the glitz and glam with neon lights positioned to give the drama a cookie-cutter commercial of sorts. These invariably are sets and not real locations that just wish to focus on the aesthetics in the background as opposed to actually providing frames that would add depth to the narrative. The editing is decent but there is only so much an editor can do to salvage the drama. Director Shauna Gautam has shown no real skills here to make me want to invest in her world and her characters. The frivolous tone of the drama is just so surface level that it almost is designed to refrain from investing in any characters. Neither the emotions nor the romance between the pair break the barrier of your screen, wherein the director misses the mark by a countrymile. In fact, the events did get so frustrated after a point that it had me fidgeting and wanting to get a move on, almost similar to a toxic relationship that I had once been a part of. In that sense, the nostalgia worked but not in a good way!
Performances
The performances are just so bad that anything that I type won’t justify the degree of it. Firstly to get the positives out of the way – Dia Mirza as Nandini and Jugal Hansraj as Sanjay were sincere and earnest and two lone sparks in a forgettable affair. Mahima Chaudhry as Neelu remains so superfluous with her character that you don’t connect with her vulnerabilities at all. Suniel Shetty as Rajat literally sleepwalks through the film and is visibly disinterested in the subject matter. Aaliyah Qureishi as Sahira who had impressed alot in Bandish Bandits Season 2, delivers just a surface-level performance here that never quite lands. Apoorva Makhija ironically had a better outing in the now erstwhile episode of the show India’s Got Latent rather than as Rhea wherein she is loud….and well loud. And this trend of casting influencers as actors needs to stop now! Archana Puran Singh was way more funnier as Ms Braganza from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, as opposed to here wherein her comedy is forced.
The complaint that I had with Khushi Kapoor in Loveyapa was her dialogue delivery, and on how her expressions atleast do land. But I would need to scratch that update – even her expressions are off along with her dialogue delivery. Her performance is so underpar that there is nothing to even remotely discuss about anything other than her looks. Yes, she looks pretty but that is about it. And just to add, this marks her third outing on celluloid – so the honeymoon period is done and dusted! Ibrahim Ali Khan seemed liked an AI version of himself, who has a remote control with respect to the emotions that he wishes to convey. Only that there is a lag in every scene that makes his performance plastic. And what was that dialogue delivery – neither earnest nor emotional, but almost robotic in every sense of the word. To say that he is undercooked would be an understatement – he is horrible (no other way to sugarcoat it) and no way near to even being a work in progress! Oh My Word…..I would rather slap myself again!
Conclusion
Nadaaniyan is a cookie-cutter icecream commercial veiled as a horrible Rom-Com with mind-numbing performances that made my brain sing – Headache-eyan! Available on Netflix!
