Teri Baahon Mein -Roast Blog
What I expected to be a hilarious soft porno turned out to be a weirdly progressive-ish entertainer.
Teri Baahon Mein is a story about two kids who get shipwrecked after a series of mishaps and miscommunications. It’s an inexpensive copy of Douglas Day Stewart’s Blue Lagoon with desi elements and morality. The first 16 minutes pack most of the story and beyond that, it’s just waiting for the sex to start.
The first scene begins with a woman giving birth on a ship and the captain is super happy and celebrating the birth of his daughter with the owner of the shipping company (and a completely random dance cameo by Mithun and Parveen Babi). Alas, this doesn’t last because the villain (Prem Chopra) kills the mum and plants drugs in the captain’s bed who is sent off to jail. Cap comes back to the owner’s house and meets a 6-year-old girl, but doesn’t know that it’s his daughter and the owner of the ship has adopted her. Prem Chopra also convinces him that the owner was responsible for the death and false charges and cap plans his revenge. He plants a bomb on the ship while the owner is in his room with his kid and Cap’s daughter, but later finds out that he was wrong about the owner. Now it’s too late, the bomb goes off and thousands of people die (but somehow no one cares). Cap somehow manages to take the two kids to an island inhabited by cannibals but realises they are scared of fire so just a small bonfire protects the three from being attacked. However, one of the tribals runs after Cap and he gets stabbed, but before he dies he realises that the two kids will be horny when they grow up so he makes them get married them using the same bonfire that saved him. This fire later becomes his pyre as well because he dies during the night.
A few years go by, the kids are grown up and hot. While Monhish Bahl only wears a makeshift skirt, and Ayeshaa Dutta (now Shroff) has access to tons of bikinis, new shirts, and make-up? Reminder: this was her first and last movie, but it’s a memorable performance.
Despite their age, they still behave like kids, but one day she has her period and things change. They actually show the blood too (Stayfree and other sanitary ads really need to learn something from this movie).
Suddenly, after a strange fight, a night of drinking, and another song called ABCDEFGHI featuring Bahl (which gave me massive ABCDEFGHI flashbacks from Hum Saath Saath Hain), they wake up horny and confused. This gives us a glorious shot of Bahl trying to curb his hard-on by squeezing his legs tight and biting his lips. The next few scenes are them ” discovering each other” all over the island. They call sex their “new game” and Ayeshaa is worried it is a sin because she keeps getting fat, at which Bahl says something we all need to hear “how can it be wrong if it feels so good?”
Next scene, she’s about to give birth and screaming, but the tribals attack so their (very human and creepy) pet monkey *Laalu* sacrifices himself but manages to save her. Then there’s a 2-year-old kid (apparently a newborn) laying next to them and they don’t understand where it came from then Monish says this is Laalu who has come back to life as their child. The baby also lets them know that he doesn’t drink coconut milk in a rather interesting way for a newborn.
What to look out for: dance cameo by Mithun and Parveen Babi, multitasking fire, the same portrayal of tribes by Bollywood where they only dance, eat each other and are “jungli”, the random fancy clothes and make-up they have access to, super hot Behl and Dutta, and creepy human-like monkey.
Disclaimer: The above review solely illustrates the views of the writer.