Shaapit: The Cursed Movie Review..For SOme Reason
In today’s episode of “Why do I do this to myself?” I got a YouTube suggestion for “Shaapit. The Cursed” where the word shraap is used exactly 120 times.
Aditya Narayan’s first movie is just like a lot of other debut movies of star kids, in the sense that it has a weird script that no one wanted, it was probably the brainchild of their father’s friends who is completely disconnected from reality, and it stars a love interest who we will never see again.
The movie starts with an inner monologue of Aditya underwater and bleeding CGI. He’s cursing his luck that he doesn’t get to live or die with his love. The girl has almost no dialogue in the movie, exactly one expression throughout, and the only distinguishing feature is her contact lenses, so I will call her that.
Contact Lens is in the hospital. They don’t explain why. Cue flashback: they are young, rich, at a party, and in love. Car crash. Her parents come to the hospital and find out she’s engaged to Aditya. Father takes the ring out and mum says we can’t tell her the truth about why she can’t get married because her bachpan will be ruined.
Cue another flashback: 300 years ago her royal ancestor tried to rape a girl and she jumped out of a window. She was acharya something’s daughter who placed a curse on the family that they will never see their daughters get married.
Back to the future, they are sitting in a typical 90s rich people house and Aditya’s dad is saying the curse stuff is nonsense, but the dad just can’t see Contact Lens dead because the curse is real.
Sad song. Contact Lens now lives like a widow. Aditya’s friend shows him a picture from their engagement party with a truly glorious “ghost” 👻 looking in from the window. He goes to a professor of Paranormal Activities👽 Dr. Pashupati who gets an immediate boner after seeing the picture of the “ghost.”
He says this is a Mayan generational curse 😅. You need to kill the atma to kill the curse. Aditya decides to fight 👻 to save Contact Lens. He researches other glost stories and finds one about Rahul and Sonia 🙄 whose 👻 is in a library book. The book has taken lives so obviously Aditya decides to go get it. He survives two atmas and gives the book to Pashupati (with a Harry Potter soundtrack in the background).
Quest begins: Contact Lens begs him to get married and says she’ll never sit in a car again and lock herself in a room forever. He says goodbye and gives her the engagement ring. Now the ring is cursed?
Contact Lens is now at a party just randomly staring at people with the ring around her neck. The 👻 tries to kill her and Aditya saves her. He tells her about the quest he’s embarking on to break the curse and she joins him (sporadically).
Now the professor takes them to a movie theatre and is asking for help from an “acchi atma” and has written “help us” in Theban on a baseball 😂😂😂. The bad atmas are trying to kill Contact Lens by eating her boob. The good atmas drop blood on Contact Lens to communicate in Morse Code? They have to go to Mahipalpur (because the stars told them) and the parents find a letter from their daughter telling them that she’s off to break a curse.
In Mahipalpur they are in a swamp that looks like the set of “tumse milke dilka jo haal” where they find a guest house. At night, Contact Lens, who is in a sexy white nightgown (the universal symbol for when a girl is about to be taken by a ghost) is woken up by sounds and expectedly vanishes.
The atma has her. It attacks Contact Lens and tries to bury her alive in a Christian Cemetary. They save her, but she goes into hypoxic shock. In the hospital, a phone rings and Aditya picks it up for some reason. It is Contact Lens. She’s screaming “he’s taking me away” but Aditya can see her in bed sleeping. The parents also arrive at the hospital to shut everything down. Aditya uses the UNO reverse card and now the parents are convinced.
They go to a museum that used to be a jail and get all the records. They decide that instead of reading them all they will astro-travel to the past. The logic given by the professor 🥸 is that kids can breathe in their mum’s belly because they are between “body and soul” 😅 so they use the Stranger Things method of travelling by water submersion where they find a Tabeez (amulet). Now Contact Lens summons Aditya to the swamp and shows him where to find the amulet which reveals another clue that leads them to Rani Mohini, the evil spirit and the keeper of the curse. There are more side quests in this movie than in any video game I’ve ever played.
Aided by the curator of the Museum, the professor performs a seance to invoke the spirit of Ranjit Singh (king) who reveals the sinister history of the royal family and in typical Alpha-male fashion, blames it all on Rani Mohini. She was ambitious and not happy as the second wife of Raja Gajsingh. She was also a sorceress (obviously) and plotted to assassinate the king and his two sons, Rana Ranjeet Singh and Kuljeet. Her assassins killed Raja Gajsingh but were ultimately defeated and killed by the royal guard. Ranjit Singh ascended the throne, and, upon learning of Rani Mohini’s dark powers, promptly arranged to execute her. Rani Mohini, however, created a black charm (locked in an amulet) to keep her soul on earth. Upon her execution, her soul became the keeper of the curse (by Acharya something) and would torment Ranjit Singh’s family forever.
Now, the guys hurry into the River Palace to confront the evil spirit of Rani Mohini. They connect the clues from the amulet which somehow had nothing to do with any of what we learnt in the past and, deduce that the spirit of Mohini can be dispatched to the nether world only when her ashes are dissolved. They retrieve the pot but Mohini’s spirit hilariously kills the professor and chases them. Finally, they flood the whole palace and somehow survive.
The film ends with Aman narrating how the power of love can overcome any obstacle. At the end of the movie, they get married and have a daughter.
Moral of the story: before dating someone, find out if they have a curse on them.
#moviereview #WTF #SubtleCurryCrappyEntertainment
Disclaimer: The above review solely illustrates the views of the writer.
