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Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi-Roast Blog

We all know Khiladiyon ka Khiladi as the movie where Akshay Kumar fought The Undertaker (or someone desperately trying to look like him), but I think it was the movie that launched his career as a Bhakt ambassador. I definitely heard Jai Mataji more times in this movie than I have collectively in my life. I think they fired the dialogue writer halfway through the movie so they just copy-pasted that dialogue over and over again. 

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The movie starts with a secret fight to the death, except it’s happening on a rooftop in some random foreign city where all the white people speak Hindi. Gulshan Grover (King Don) gives his usual bad Bad Man dialogues and he directs his threats to Madam Maya (Rekha) by saying he will palto her kaya. His fighter has ants in his pants and is jumping and rubbing himself all over the ring in the background as a super boring debate about 5 million dollars being bet on the fight is happening. Then comes out Maya’s fighter, The Undertaker who kills the other guy hilariously. The commissioner of police (Hindi speaking white guy) tells Maya that they will get caught if this is recorded, but she laughs and says no one in the city will dare to go against her. These guys are supposed to be crime lords, but we never see them do any real crimes except the fights.

Maya tells Ajay (AK’s brother) to dispose of the body of King Don’s fighter. He apologises to Maya and throws the body in the river, but the fighter managed to keep the Mata ka locket in his hand despite being dead and being thrown in a river. The locket is found and the police immediately catch Ajay who turns informant instantly.

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Ajay has a girlfriend who wants him out of crime so she mails a wedding invitation to AK along with a ticket to America? AK is at the airport and crashes into Raveena who is on her way back to London after her friend was unsuccessful in finding a boy for marriage. Luckily, the friend’s father knows AK’s maama and they fix the rishta on the airport itself. But oh no! It’s actually Dolly Bindra who is the daughter and AK has no idea that Raveena is not the girl he is now engaged to??? Raveena solves this by sending Dolly to the bathroom and making out with AK while singing a song that the whole flight can see. Somehow this works, and now they are madly in love.
Now here’s where the confusion happens, in AK’s flashbacks, his brother, along with his band called INDIA (initials of the band members) said they were going to America. AK ends up in London and asks for 21 Baker Street (guess it’s not where Sherlock lives). They never talk about the location, but the skyline keeps changing from London to LA.

AK finds out that Maya is Raveena’s older sister, and uses his amazing strength and magnetism to make Maya fall in love with him. He even tricks the undertaker into believing that Maya is sabotaging the fight so he switches teams then AK almost defeats him as Maya’s new fighter. Then the amazing, “In the night, no control” song happens where they mud fight, bathe together, rub each other, eat gross stuff off each other, but don’t have sex??? He tells her to marry him first. She’s so crazy in love that she believes him over her oldest comrades. He then gets fake kidnapped by Ajay’s band and they tell Maya to give Ajay back to them. But Ajay is not with Maya, and Raveena has accidently let it slip that AK and AJ are brothers. The same day, Ajay sees a picture of AK with Maya in the paper and goes to her to get his brother back in return for the proof he has against her and King Don.

Raveena tries to save him, but it’s too late. The band tells her to bring AJ to the Mata ka mandir which is in a cave?? and they tell the whole city that Maya is having a Mata ka jagarata so the bhakts can act as a diversion (again, this isn’t in India). Now here the plan is to exchange AJ for AK, but AK is happily dancing in front of Mata and is not kidnapped at all. Confusing? Yes. Meanwhile, AJ’s girl is taking the proof to the courthouse, and the commissioner has literally given shoot at sight orders for “a girl coming to court.” Such clear instructions, absolutely no women ever go to court so she’ll be easy to spot. No innocent bystanders will die from this. 

Maya lets AJ go for some reason, but keeps a gun on her own sister. The brothers fight and AK is about to lose, but some of the red stuff from the statue flows on him and he has the energy of a tiger (which they show with AMAZING CGI). Then CGI fire and CGI mountains appear as he finally kills the undertaker by shoving him into the teeth of the tiger at the entrance of the cave which was at least 15m high.

Now comes the best part because it’s so random. They are somehow at a port, and King Don has a boat, but AK is freakin Captain America and stops the boat with a rope. Then he takes another boat which was on land, drives it in the water, then on the beach to get his brother back. As usual, everything that can blow up blows up. AK then bungee jumps from a bridge to kill Grover.
Maya then kills herself after an emotional speech by Raveena about sister love saying she will come back as AK and Raveena’s daughter. Everyone goes back to India and is happy.
Things I liked: Rekha’s clothes. That woman has excellent taste. Everything else was horrible.

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Disclaimer: The above review solely illustrates the views of the writer.

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